In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
