What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
