Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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