Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
