I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
