soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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