did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
