turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
