If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
