I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
