CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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