How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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