My room smells like vodka and shame
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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