I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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