hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I cut my penus on the lid.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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