i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
