dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
