So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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