He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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