i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
