My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
