I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
love makes seman taste better
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize