I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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