Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
