I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
