I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
