Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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