i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
