hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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