It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
