I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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