Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
