I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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