Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
