4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
