So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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