Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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