I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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