But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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