Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just high enough for therapy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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