Porn is love you can see.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
