I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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