She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
