Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
