In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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