I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
