Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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