They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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