dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
