His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm always down for nudity.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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