so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
