I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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