wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
