oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
