Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
