So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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