What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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