Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
