he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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