Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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