Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
