I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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