Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
