I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
