God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize