She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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