How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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