Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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