great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my vag is so smooth its legendary
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
