She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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