There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
