This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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