yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
